#Spinsterwoes

So my evolution from run-of-the-mill Spinster to Cat Lady has been swifter than even I thought possible. In addition to biting my nipple and sharing my pillow, the cat has also interrupted my spinsterwoesing by traipsing across the keyboard and messing up the cursor.

I don’t even have the authority to name the kitten and yet I have named a section of my bedroom “Kitten Station” and donated several of my throw pillows to the cause.

As Spinsterwoes’ cofounder said “As long as you don’t let it age into a cat, I don’t think it contributes to your spinster quotient.

My response: Yes. Nubile young women have kittens. Spinsters have cats.

You know you’re a Spinster when you panic about what to use as bait in your mousetrap because you only have high quality cheese.

It is Pentecost. Still no one has seen my boobs.

When did Mark Ruffalo get so gray? He used to be my celebrity crush. Now I just feel like i’ve missed my window and am reminded that we’ll all grow old one day and die.

I have breasts and a slightly inflamed vagina. Why doesn’t anyone wanna get this??

The longer I go without showering, the more irritable I am towards high school romances.

Ran into a man I met at a bar back in the fall. Said man is still in my phone as “Don’t Pickup.” When we met he was so drunk he put my number in his phone as “Kelswu.”

Tonight he very intentionally and obviously followed me from the Starbucks to the wine store and used all the same lines. He gave no indication that he remembered me. I recognized him by his lisp. #SPINSTERWOES

Also, Spinsters, I must confess. I broke my cardinal rule and told him I was seeing someone to get out of formally rejecting him a second time. I have failed us all a little.

Student: The guy I’ve been talking to and I are about to have our 3 year anniversary. That’s a long time. What’s the longest time you’ve ever been with a guy, Ms. Sheridan?