I wish I had children to do this to… I’m honestly considering forwarding it to some of my nerdier coworkers.
T. (a student whom I failed last year): Ms. Sheridan, give me your number.
Me: For the last time, T. I’m not going to give you my number.
T.: But I’ll be 18 next month!
Me: It doesn’t matter. You’re still my student. Do you realize how inappropriate that is?
T: OK. What about when I graduate?
Me: Tell you what. Get your college degree and then come back for me.
T: No, you’ll be like 30. I won’t want you then.
Today I administered a very important college entrance exam at the high school where I work. Two students disrupted testing procedure by having chicken boxes delivered to the testing site. Despite my best efforts, the situation ended with the two students being escorted out of the test by school police. While being escorted out, D. said “Youza flute. You got a boyfriend? Cuz I’m gonna beat him up just because he go with you.”
Joke’s on you sir; I don’t have a boyfriend!
Most Epic #Spinsterwoe of All Time:
1. My roommate is struggling to open her jar of spaghetti sauce. I attempt to open it using every know trick in the book. We fail.
2. Recognizing that our next door neighbor has had health problems, we outsource the jar problem further south and summon a male friend from the first floor. This friend walks UPSTAIRS to open our jar.
3. At the moment when the doorbell rings, Libby is on the phone with a student and my hands are elbow-deep in raw beef. I twist the door open using my elbow.
4. The male friend is also on the phone. Using a lot of hand gestures, we wordlessly get the jar opened. The male friend exits.
I always knew Hitler was a bit …. off.
I asked my mom to mail me copies of my high school literary magazine so I could give my students an example. She mailed me it along with some other things she found in my closet, including “Miss Nelson is Missing!” and “Sex for Busy People - the art of the quickie for lovers on the go.” She included the note “Saw this in your closet — thought you might get a chuckle from it!” #spinsterwoes